Riceless, Soy-Free Sushi... Domo Arigato!

There are plenty of reasons for me to stay away from sushi:

1. Dave is allergic to fish. Yes, I know that most Japanese joints also serve other food, but asking someone with a fish allergy to go to a sushi restaurant is like expecting a vegetarian to dine at the Salt Lick BBQ because the menu includes cole slaw and vegetarian pinto beans. It's just not cool.

2. Soy sauce is a big no-no. Besides all the grouchy paleo concerns (naughty legumes!), I have thyroid issues so soy is, like, doubly no good.

3. Do I have to say it? OK, I will. Rice! Boo! Hiss! Steamed white rice is completely useless in the nutrition department and if one listens to Whole9 Life (which, really, one should), rice is worse than useless: it's poison. (And no, it doesn't matter if you eat brown rice instead. Don't get mad at me! I didn't make the food rules; I just pass them along.)

4. My favorite is the California roll which always makes me feel sort of lame. It's not raw. It's not exotic. Is it even real sushi?!

Here's the thing: I really like the flavor and texture mélange (mélange!) of the cool, sweet seafood with creamy avocado, salty soy sauce, and the bite of wasabi. The up-the-nose rush!

If we solve the problems, there's plenty to recommend California rolls: seafood and fish are excellent protein sources. Avocado is a great way to get delicious fat. Sushi is fun to eat, and we dino-chow aficionados don't get many opportunities to eat "fun" food.

The question is, then, not "How do I live the rest of my life without a California roll?" but "How can I make something that's a close enough approximation to taste great AND provide adequate nutrition?"

To find the answer, I first had to ditch the rice. And while I was fixing the rice problem, I decided to tackle the other annoyances, too, namely, in a traditional California roll, (1) the avocado is always in a hunk, so if you bite the piece of sushi in half (I know! I'm not supposed to, but I do...), all of the avocado is in that one mouthful, instead of equally distributed across bites; and (2) there are never enough vegetables.

If you follow my instructions below, you will never suffer these sushi injustices again. Don't you feel ever so much better?!

Dino-Chow California Rolls
This makes enough for one person for a meal or two snacks – if you're around my size. If you're a big, CrossFit dude, this is probably just a snack or half a snack for you. Adjust as necessary.

Ingredients:
1/2 avocado
1 cucumber
2 scallions, green only
4 oz. shrimp (I used wild, cold water salad shrimp.)
2 sheets nori
another vegetable of your choice (Do not skip this part, or I will be very disappointed in you.)
optional: wasabi powder, coconut aminos

Directions:
Prep your ingredients.
1. Mix wasabi powder with water and set aside.

2. Peel the cucumber and cut it in half cross-wise. Eat half of it. Now. Do it! That's half a serving of vegetables; you've solved half the veggie problem in your sushi. Congratulations!

3. Slice the other half of the cucumber very thinly, lengthwise. Cut the thin slices into matchsticks and set aside. (If you don't like the seeds – I really don't! – remove them before cutting.)

Begin assembly.
1. Place nori on a flat surface. Spread half the avocado on the nori with the back of a spoon. It doesn't look that great, but it solves a few problems: it distributes the avocado evenly (win!), it softens the nori for rolling, and it helps seal the whole thing together at the end. Be sure to spread avocado on the end of the nori furthest from you; that's the edge that will seal the deal. Think of that avocado as delicious glue. (Or, ew, maybe don't think that.)

2. Pile cucumber matchsticks, the greens from one of the scallions, and half the shrimp on the edge of the nori closest to you. Again, it doesn't look super pretty. See?

2. Starting at the end closest to you, roll the sushi. If you have a sushi matt, this works much better. I don't have one; I survived. You will, too.

3. Let the roll rest for a few minutes so the flavors can meld and the ingredients can bond into a happy roll.

4. Slice it into rounds with a sharp knife and arrange on a plate with your additional raw vegetable. As you can see below, I chose jicama. Other good ones: carrots, green pepper strips, red pepper strips, snap peas. You could even make a little slaw with shredded cabbage, sesame seeds, and a dash of sesame oil. Please, I really like you; don't skip the extra serving of veggies.

5. If you're having dipping sauce, add some coconut aminos to your wasabi, and you're good to go. Eat with your fingers! Savor the up-the-nose rush! Gloat because you're enjoying healthy California rolls you made with your own two hands.

Variations:
I've made these with other seafood, and they were equally delicious... smoked salmon, faux crabsticks, real crab meat, and once, I mixed a can of tuna with some homemade mayo and slapped that into a roll. It was delicious! Next time, I think I might try spicy mayo with the shrimp. Or some lobster! And the lovely Erika Jeanne* recommends the addition of slivered red bell peppers. How will you customize?

*[A bajillion thanks to Erika Jeanne for inspiring me to try my hand at dino-chow sushi. She brought some to my birthday party, and it was yummy!)